i want it

all eyes are on her
all attention is fixed on her
nothing out of her sight
she walks and glides at the crowd that make her who she is
the absence of people around her is a non-existence
how she could possess all this without an effort is a mystery even she could not solve

aloneness is clouded by to-do lists
time of contemplation and planning interrupted by functions to attend
moments of self questioning are distured by phone alarms and rings and door bells and gifts bags and summer get-aways trips to St.Tropez

clouds dissapear
sky in full view and sky is not blue when season of catching herself comes
sky is black only because its night though yet what happened to the stars
what happens to the shine
not questioned when there as to where they come from
the stars disappear from sight and black sky greets her countanance

what happened who happened why did it happened what is happening?
she is still with friends still going to exotic location still having dinner at Dolce
buying food from Dean&Deluca has an apartment in Upper East side New York which has a view of the Park

Yet every now and then she would hear herself catch herself say how can i have all this and be so miserable
how can this be in my possession and still feel emptiness
Full emptiness
Dry river tears
unfeedable hunger
A cluttered life filled with great labels

"its what every1 wrks fo why should i apologise fo something i cannot control its not my fault i m rich n its not my fault beauty gets me privilges that others don't...(SCREAMS)""Why should i be punished for privilege power status influence and easy gets, why""... but then why the emptiness and tearful nites"...

And the phone rings and up she goes to a gala thrown by the richest man in Mexico.
countless friends and private jet of choice.

Later or now i wish she could answer the question so i might know.

And thats because i want what she has....everyone does and those who want her fall
are jealous those who want her demise only want what she has

i want it...yet at what cost why is she unhappy yet so full?

what is amiss?