Times and moments of inflicted solitude

it’s in times and moments of contemplation that we discover who is it that lives within us

I am searching for something that leads to the establishment and the completeness of my being here

I am enquiring the basics that answer the complex

‘I am in a place of contoured outbreaks and crossed paths

I feel in myself the need to be conformed and have the population that has been given to me to live with to have them verify me as one of their own

I am in spaces in time and moments of forced inflicted solitude

I am thrown here and there by the consistent, constant voices to have an identification that flows with the tide

I am in limbo junction of what I can and cannot do

I have in me that which is of unmatched equal and that which is, is re-inforced by my nature

yet I know that it’s in these moments that I can have a discovery of who I am

there is no insignificance there is no uselessness “No” that does not live here

here lives great potential here lives greater than me dreams that cry out to a higher power

I am the very being that is of absolute uniqueness

I have in me the times and dates set apart for great moments life altering events and divine meetings

Times and moments of stillness

One thing I know……..Greatness when confronted with average there comes a great clash.
When greatness is on the earth it faces a lot of resistance and that is why that in these moments of alones and moments of solitude all will point to my soar and strength the strength to have while you do not. and endure , and yet we were not made to be alone and I in this moment am strengthened and in the time of my summer all will look to me and find the one thing all will desire the ability to soar thru the storm and as I endure so will those who come to me do the same endure and learn how to soar

An empty page.

Empty spaces filled with words

Empty vacant occupied by lettering

Empty screen I fill with alphabets

Empty white I mark it with saying and wording

I say I write I feel and while I do I capture all everything all instances and moments

From the thread and curl of hair to the reason why we wake up in the morning

I write I fill the world with words I saturate the paper on the screen with
utterances that otherwise would not have been said if they hadn’t been written by my hand

I am going to capture it all

Every m0oment every whimper every feeling every movement every entity every character I wanna see it all I am going to see it all capture it all and once again I will script it and the world will know about it

An empty page I cannot stand.

I write and see what the letter I say say I capture myself even with the speech my heart produces I have so much to say and so much to describe and put into words I am the writer of songs of love of the things that occupy space

… and in all instances I write to say it all.

i can

I can’t live in this house alone I can’t go on existing in solitary with me the furniture and the pet. I do not want to be confined to my own self and have no one to share my parts to share the inhabitants of my soul with. I do not want to wake up alone I do not want to wake up on the cold empty bed, the staring walls will encave me and the voice that wants dialogue will consume me

I feel misplaced .

I want you to change but I know I can’t change you

The risk of being with you and the person you become at times makes me want to venture out makes me want to cut loose all ties with you yet I fear, I fear the risk I venture to take may end up in me being alone, so I am doubtful….doubtful yet solitude leaves me numb. The thought of it keeps in an asylum within me
So….come…..No, you can’t do what you do though……

Or better yet stay away, yet I fear solitude and alone… yet then the fear you bring when you become my enemy
(The end unknown)
.

I.

I’m letting it I am allowing it I am letting it take hold letting it take possession i don’t quiet understand the full measure of this yet it feels good its like the first candy of my childhood sweet and just wanting more of it I want it over and over I am letting it I am allowing it to take hold the pleasure I fell is what makes it so an attachment with me its the fabricated and well formed formulated art of wanting that which feels good its going back to “oh gosh it feels so good it must be right” yet I am letting it I am giving it an allow its so pleasurable its what I want daily now I am letting it its so deliberately good that it’s a tinkle I want it and it’s a thirst that every time I quench it I want to thirst again I want it absolutely and yet I know that the more I have the more I will get used and the more you leave natural habits to pursue the unnatural or whatever the more immune you are to that which you are apt to enjoy yet I want it reason has gone out the door and the more I think about it the more I want it …I should stop writing then it will be distant from thought yet the …oh God I want it and having it is what I want to do.

letting go

We were and now we are not the thing is not that I do not love you the pieces fit together yet they just seem misplaced the thing is not that we do not love each other we do its just that I cannot do this anymore I am trying to figure out what exactly it is that has us in this position I have been with you forever and its just not right anymore I just cant do this it’s not loving each other that’s the problem like I said that’s okay yet its just that we are not in a place that suits us both you say this and I fell well yeah as it should that should be a given that should be uninterrupted that doesn’t need translation and you think your extremities are my exaggeration yet the thing is you are not seeing what I want you to see anymore the quick glances of appreciation are not there anymore you are missing the detail you are not paying attention to the minute you are seeing the painting from afar and you are not appreciating the delicate parts that make it what it is it s not me being what you can’t handle its me being the thing that need s your most regard you have become unbridled with me and and in that you have lost the concentrated attention-… you know what I got it we… got familiar we have been in each others lives that the other is missing and not handling with care others most basic needs and we are in a place where we are not in hold of one another’s emotion we are becoming unattended and disregarded we are un-attuned to the other the sounds were are making are bouncing off there is no soak anymore we are just in an ongoing meeting of casual familiarity there is just an unexplainable missing something the part where we are enamored with each other that our feelings carry us is over, its.… I don’t know maybe it s me or it s you or its you and me yet whatever its not working so then I think we should part and the time we spent together is not wasted its just in memorabilia of what we will always hold sacred in our hearts….us.

Words.

Take me far

Harry Winston....Freddy or Cartier any would do.

laughing at you being here

I laugheed CAUSE you were there I laughed caUSE OF THAT THING YOU DO WHEN YOU DO THAT THING YOU DO I LAUGHED CAUSE YOU ARE WITH ME TAKING TIME TO MAKE ME YOUR OBJECT OF PLEASURE I LAUGH CAUSE YOU ARE HERE I LAUGH BECAUSE YOU MAKE BEING IN MY BODY A GREAT EXPERIENCE I LAUGH CAUSE YOU ARE TRULY MY OBJECT OF AFFECTION you pleASe me in such great levels of intimacy yet the one I love most is being where you are when you do that thing you do when you do it I

Spaces filled yet so unoccupied
The space before me is filled, yet it has no occupant
The time has passed and all that is is of absence and minused filling
The time has caused my memories to be the only thing that fills this vacancy
I am looking at a life gone by and a life waiting for fulfillment
Evident of what was and is no more
The spaces in my head filling up with the events which have passed
I am here and I have lived here left my mark my unremovable prints on everything in sight

That which was bearable and that which bore me
I am in this place of reminiscence
An inescapable leap and bounds of memories and un-letted go of emotional attaches which make this so hard to do…leave.
I occupy this space as much as it has occupied me… it’s so empty yet so full

i...i...i... what is it that me

I Have you u are at my palm u cannot escape me even if u put your best attempt you are mine and I am yours you are my object and my amuse I have you and I am sometimes a pleasure and sometimes a pain I make u laugh and make you cry just as I want you I find you want me too we obsess over each other we love(maybe I shudn’t use that word) much and we also hate much sometimes we exhaust one another yet we never grow tired of each other . … we exhaust each other with what we can’t articulate yet we feel we can’t express - so we crash, in our effort to have it outlet out of us I have you just as much as you have me I…(contemplate) need you or do I?, without (contemplate)… u?! so…, the idea of u not with me is a similarity to a baby’s pacifier at 3 you are so not necessary for me yet I need you near I can’t let go it’s a mutual obsession we share the needing or wanting I need a word to put description to this yet it’s me not wanting to let go having the mess that is so bad for me being the only thing I want it’s going back to the thing of how can something so wrong feel so right it the most unhealthiest of habit my addiction to you and its my breathing essential need to rid myself of it you seem to have had yet I still struggle I have you and although I completely am in emotional attachment and addiction with or to you I don’t think its what the shrink people would call love its what I think we the messed ”should be careful calling myself that then I become it” up would call collectors possession and letting you go would be a drug I can’t get over I have you yet what is it that has me?

-So what is this what is this image what do you spend your whole day doing what are you building what are you making up you put blood and sweat over this what is its purpose…...

-Its too soon to tell.

quiety.

The time of absolute abandon the time of total quiet thrills and simple pleasures the time of quiet contemplation and planned uneventfulness the time of walks on the beach on the Hamptons summer rented house a house on the beach close to the store that has the best red wine you will ever have and will take you a whole week to finish because you are capturing every moment of the sip the time of long conversations about nothing and laughs from the stomachs bellowing up causing a raucous sound a time of simply let the hair down and enjoying the person you are and being happy with where you are at the time spent with friends you have known for years and you found out there is still more to know about them a time of just absolute and comlpete minimalism…Oh God!

My entire...

So I walk I walk this field and it start to rain it starts to pour and all I know is that its been raining in me for long now I have been pouring out the water filled in me through the tears I have cried I have been through the most turmoil of times it hasn’t been of my most comfort it has been of my detriment yet I carry on I master the strength to wake up even in the most normal of mornings and sojourn through my existence so as to fill the quietness with schedules and deadlines I fill the silence with clutter and all the while it’s the hours I am escaping it’s the moments that have me captive it’s the times of my existence I try to run away from I have been working and toiling trying to bring sense and a logic to the minutes spent on the place I have been given to live I feel like I’m unraveling like I am insidiously outgrowing the time of existing that I have in my life before the expiry date I have not that which I want and everything feels so wrong it’s the moments it’s the years its times it’s the hours between me and who I wake up as it is death yet I need to choose life yet to my dismay I have not known what exactly is that I cannot find myself in stillness and content I search I search and all I find is the stillness of my puzzlement and the reckoning of my events to come I have with me only the time only the hours only the minutes only the seconds to find myself before I loose that which keeps me on earth….life.

Inspired by the life of Virginia Woolf…. coming out from the movie…The hours

Its death yet I choose life I do not what that means right now yet I say it I speak it “I choose life” and in so doing so I feel my whole space with life…Creator spoke the earth into being therefore I speak and continue saying life until it takes its abide in me….

My say to those who are feeling similar.

Don't mistake it.

Okay so here we are in this place and time and moment and this decision which needs to be made before us is inevitable, you are to me my most want and most never get so here we are at the place of decision a place of momentous resolutions and I hope that all that you have come to be will be all that I have come to embrace. I am going out of my mind trying to fix that which has been broken so - I m letting things go and releasing what I cannot change, so till we solve this thing called u and me, I think its best we come to a separate turn because I cannot and will not tolerate this tumult. I am unsettled and need you to be the thing that winds me down yet if you cannot provide that source I will not break and I will not cease to be, you use to have me at such a clutched grasp and... I was made certain to believe your absence is my non- exist yet this is my solve here is what needs to occur lets part ways understanding I had you and you had me and it was swell while it lasted but now its time for us to be without….do not mistake this for lack of love for you just think of it as maturity finding itself in me….love you yet can’t be with you .need… need you yet need to let you go more.

You are beautiful

You are so beautiful

Your beauty capture images and imaginations even I cannot articulate

You are surreal

This kind of beauty is only dreamt about yet you possess it

You are so sterile, sterile in flaws and mishaps

You are beautiful my love

Beautiful
Dream away let what you imagine come true and come to pass for you the world is moved you are beautiful

Forever star.

There is an art in having the spotlight taken away

And it shining off you.

You ask “Is there?”

I answer “absolutely”

The light is taken away because you are not anymore…
Yet you once were, which is by far better than never having being
And the spotlight shone on you
And others saw you and they voice your performance and
Their voice is heard throughout
You live in their witness

You are Immortal
Forever remembered
Forever known
And Eternally immortalized

The spotlight shines forever once it has shone on you

smile after a kiss

Smile after a kiss move your lips upward after an encounter of another

The tingling sensation the tickle in your spine the laughter of your insides

The pleasure of a lip lock

I taste you in my mouth and I just want more

When I finished kissing you it was only the start

There was no finish because the smile was a permasmile

Its architecture

I kissed you and I smile…really I kiss you and I smile

I call it smile after the kiss

i slept with flowers in my hands

Dinner at 1 a.m

Lets meet lets come together you n me lets convene have a gathering
I would love to see you I would love to converse with you
I want to meet you I want to be in the company of you


Come lets meet, the city …the life of you and me
Come lets meet lets have dinner lets have a meal
How does that suit you.


Dinner at 1 a.m is that suitable.
Lets meet for dinner at 1 a.m

Leaving in order to stay

I am not letting you go I am actually holding on to you


Its in the absence of things that I find I can actually hold on to you


I am letting go of all else and holding on to you but its only in letting go that I am actually holding on


I haven’t actually resolute what I mean yet I know that letting it go I will get to hold on to it


Maybe... its if u love something you will let it go yet what I let go there is a possibility that it might not come back so then maybe if it does than it was really mine to begin with


I am letting go yet as I let go I am holding on.

Did it.

There I did it, its done
Its passed its finished its complete

Move pass it I can not and don’t ask me to .

i loved you

I loved you …you loved me
I hurt you… you left me
You left and I carried on and acceptly letted you go
We met again and again you still held a place
I have learned to let you go and I have yet you are stronger in me than ever
You are present in me strongly I don’t want you back and I don’t need closure
Oh I don’t know seeing you again made me oh I don’t know
It just, we just, it was, you were, I was, it… just, it was … seeing you was good
I missed you but I don’t know what place you should hold in my life
I let you go and I’ll see you when… , oh I don’t know……it was good to see you.

Your Fullwrap

Console me make it better make it go away

Let me lie in your embrace and not have to face it again let me be the thing you hold most dear

Make it go away take it away from me

Take me in your arms and let me be sorrounded by the reality of you and the strenght you hold in my weaknesses

Make it better make it flee

I want to stop I want more than what is yet it won’t seem to go away

I lie waiting and desiring for change yet there is just an emptiness in the things that aren’t being all there is

So sorround me with the reality that you are and make it go away

I am so phased so disturbed yet you you make me escape when I am in your fullwrap

So then we met after,and you touch me and it was still there still present

I knew this but when you touched me I was refreshed on it

Your hand on me and your touch careesing me without intention

The intention of what I knew you so well for

Intention of what I have been struggling to move pass

The intention of what many of our nights were filled with
Days to no end. My companion who is no more

Letting go that’s not present yet,releasing you not checked

I wish I could quit you.

The art of giving now is the time!

http://www.ikhayalikababa.co.za

Get my Passport!

Oh God....!

I love u but i love me mo

I love you yet I love me more

Its not that I want solitude I just cope better with it

Its not that I don’t want your security I’d rather provide my own

Its not that I don’t want guardian yet I feel better looking after my own possession

Its not that you wouldn’t suffice I choose not to let you in me that way or to that extent,true you could do yet I can’t do without me being able to find pleasure in what makes me in that moment

Its not that I wanted you out its just that I can’t let you in on the terms set by
convention and if we try my terms hurting you would be a pain worse than letting you go

Its not that I am not choosing you well I am not but I am choosing for you a life that will be a better suit for you

Its not that you deny me its what I am denied at your being in me

Its not that I have nothing to give I am capable of emotion yet I give on my terms and on my points of highness I can give yet I give in the place of best convention

So I might end up what you think I will end up as yet for me its better than being what I can’t cope being its better than being in a place of limbo because you choose not to I love you yet I love me more I love and I will not break me intetionally and the things I provide myself will continue that consitency and its not hurt I fear yet it’s loosing me I can’t stand call it selfishness call it emptiness I call it my turn to survive and keep alive what I need the most…me.

I love you truly I do yet I love me intensily more.

She laughed!.

Undi...

Oh how you u make me you surround me with you and make me all I am I have nothing without you you are the addition in my life I need I am eternally yours and when we are kept apart we remain together because our hearts are bound forever you are the answer to the question my lips hold and have made me the person I want to wake up being I need you most desperately I have you in my mind in my heart in my soul in me and all my members I have and feel nothing but love for you you are my shout and greatest moment of laughter I have all beacause I have you.

Why was it done?

you were there...i was there
the moment carried us
it was me needing you as much as you needed me
our bodies were available to each other
you touched me and i needed it as much as you did
and so we did it we performed the act we were built for in a way that
doesn't for both of us meet its essence design

we both needed
we both felt
we both wanted
we gave each other what we both wanted
there is so much more to it than that
i am being...

i was there, you were there
thats all it was.

the need was valid yet the way we met it?

Everyday is opening night!

Everyday is opening night!

We save each other.
.We rescue each other
I am in debt with you and you are with me
We give each other what we both couldn’t live without
In amiss I confer and in counter-right you correct
And we are One separate.
. a one that breaks into two
Coming together as God intended to complete each other.

i want it

all eyes are on her
all attention is fixed on her
nothing out of her sight
she walks and glides at the crowd that make her who she is
the absence of people around her is a non-existence
how she could possess all this without an effort is a mystery even she could not solve

aloneness is clouded by to-do lists
time of contemplation and planning interrupted by functions to attend
moments of self questioning are distured by phone alarms and rings and door bells and gifts bags and summer get-aways trips to St.Tropez

clouds dissapear
sky in full view and sky is not blue when season of catching herself comes
sky is black only because its night though yet what happened to the stars
what happens to the shine
not questioned when there as to where they come from
the stars disappear from sight and black sky greets her countanance

what happened who happened why did it happened what is happening?
she is still with friends still going to exotic location still having dinner at Dolce
buying food from Dean&Deluca has an apartment in Upper East side New York which has a view of the Park

Yet every now and then she would hear herself catch herself say how can i have all this and be so miserable
how can this be in my possession and still feel emptiness
Full emptiness
Dry river tears
unfeedable hunger
A cluttered life filled with great labels

"its what every1 wrks fo why should i apologise fo something i cannot control its not my fault i m rich n its not my fault beauty gets me privilges that others don't...(SCREAMS)""Why should i be punished for privilege power status influence and easy gets, why""... but then why the emptiness and tearful nites"...

And the phone rings and up she goes to a gala thrown by the richest man in Mexico.
countless friends and private jet of choice.

Later or now i wish she could answer the question so i might know.

And thats because i want what she has....everyone does and those who want her fall
are jealous those who want her demise only want what she has

i want it...yet at what cost why is she unhappy yet so full?

what is amiss?

I'm gonna live forever

Fame!!!!!!!!

Madison Square Garden
Sold out concerts
Interview with Oprah Winfrey
Packed auditoriums
Full stadiums
Cover of Times
Brimming confrences
Dinner with Presidents
Joined forces with key Ministeries
Billions of followers
A mention in all media
A topic of note after death

Fame!
Baby remember my Name.

Exhaling

Oh God!

Untitled

label it call it what it is so we can go on and stop pretending we still are and so we can stop pretending we later can be lets announce it give it a term so deny can have a curtain call and leave the stage of our meeting, call it what it is so we do not think it is what it isn't call it jaded call it familiarity call it what you want yet what you call it must meet us both at a place where decisions are made are paths are chosen set me free to go and i will do the same let it be what it is and not what we want it to be or what will convinience us but whatevere you call it i do not want to hear the sound entering my ears of this thing they call love because between us we are incapable of it really seriously we love at levels of comfortability and convinience we love at a level where emotions rule and once the high flees gone is the bird that occupied the nest

don't stare at me like that don't give me that face, if i look in the mirror you would catch a glimpse of yourself aswell don't act different from my condition and set yourself apart from me we are cut from the same cloth we are so alike if i had to lick you i wud taste myself

love please call it what you want but love do not travell there
emotion is what we know
infactuation is the familiar
love on convinient terms yes

lol...is it even love or is that a definition given to us to define...never mind. Call it what it is but not that.

infused by the strain to act i lie in absolute wonder of what is to come
having that said what is to come is up to me to decide
decision...the absolute looseness of that
where does fate step in where does serendipity play a hand where does destiny intervene
yes decide to get up of bed but do i decide to go to a setting where a chance opportunity occurs and meet an indivisual to change the course of my life in a direction i want it to go... yes decide to drive to a meeting yet, decide? aswell to have a punctured tyre and miss an interview to which you absolutely have your hopes set on

Missed opportunities ,wasted times, unmet dreams, lives of vanity, followed dreams of no "success", feared paths, wrong final acts, missed planes... caught planes, must the end be...
"I am so rich yet i have nothing"
"I am so poor i wish i could be rich then i will have happiness"

Thats all we know

Decide? Really.....i wonder. Other hands are at play here.

Result of Emotion

Speak to me- say something, anything the careless whisper from your…(write it) caring heart will do
the silence is killing me, I am ebbing away its detrimental to me and my health the loud noise of your silence is squashing my hearts breath. How can I survive the cold moment of your unmoving lips but screaming eyes, its unbearable. The heart that once trusted me and was loyal to me is now in season of winter I can see it in the movement of your body in the cold temperature of your eyes the hand that once held mine so tightly is trembling cold with winters cold wind.

I couldn't prevent it, I couldn't pass it without it having pass me, it was un-controllable it was undefeatable I was under its… (write it) spell. It was too much for me to bear yet I also think "There is always a moment when I could have said "No", yet that moment for me… (Pause)
If tears could undo and take back what happened I would… cry you a river (Resume)

Was cut out it was edited I know it makes no sense yet the writer of the event that happened
Wrote it that way and I couldn't see it coming yet it came


Speak say something why are you being so cruel with your lack of words so indifferent to my
groan for your fresh breath of dialogue. I could never be at my end with you, You make the
hours seem like a fresh Saturday evening. Run this course with me stay with me till winter
passes so we can enjoy the summer together again

Cry; so at least I know your heart hasn't turned into stone towards me, let a cry of anger erupt
from your pierced heart I need to know you still feel towards me and that you are not numbed
at the sight of me


I am sorry for what I've done. I petition you for an "I forgive you" since the cloud of your new tone towards me that being of silence has not passed I will wait for your response from your heart To mine... I am sorry.

Irreversable

I looked back
looked forward
brought back, searched memory resoivour
caught my heart in my concious mind and...
told myself "don't be scared"

shaking heart in relentless caution
cold hands of fear and unknown future events of consequence

irreversable fumbles
irreversable words
irreversable acts
irreversable conversations in 1 account

Oh God... "i don't know who else to call"

Darkness I brought it close
made acquitance with unstability
n now... i fear.
n now...i have no answer to solve the hand made mess
but..... yet...... oh?, I don't know.


Jesus (long silence) .....H-e-l-p? please help.

Walks in setting sun

t

the streets

the echoe silence of a noise engaged in distant locations where eye is devoided of sight

make your heart jump

the absolute forsaken steps to an unknown path the walk to an unknown route no matter how familiar

the light fading n you are still on the streets

then all is alarmed and you realise that darkness brings out darkness within

and those who act on it make the streets a forsaken place to be in

walking home from home

n the streets and paths were my companion

nature beautiful in the light of day yet when setted sun hides the visible the walk no more is what you left home to experience

i see yet what i witness is but a glimpse of what the streets hold for those who choose to camp there.

A camping experience my insides would not accept n my outsides would repell so before sun sets i take my foot in familiar n known...the place they left to return to...

HOME.

Best Friend entanglement.

the laughter of your heart causes me to sing i have never been carresed by such a character as yours.
the echoe of your voice leaves me speechless i don't know what to say you move and amaze me
the fraility of your life makes me appreciaten you everyday it makes me want to keep you in my sight always and ever
the glare of your stare makes me want to do more, there is none such reaction amongst humans that i have when you glare at me
the vulnerability of your composure of who you are makes me want to protect you from the world
the stillness of you sleeping makes me want to tell you everyday how much i am infactuated with you
the wholeness of your being is so complete it makes me wonder how can anyone say no to you

But why cant i say that to you why i am i so afraid to tell you and let you know what i think and feel is it because my masculinity would be hurt if you say No or is it because i am scared for our friendship.
I could never tell you that i could never utter the careless whispers of how much i value you and how much i would like you to be mine

Yet there is a confusion in my soul a linger in my being how can you know how can you understand that i like you but am not attracted to you that i appreciate your physique but it doesn't do or effect me the way it would a heterosexual man what i am trying to say is i am confused yet i do notknow what to make of my affectiond for you

a sranger met at hello
an invite given out with willed intentional and knowlegdge response of R.S.V.P "YES"
no awkwardness here in this place callous shyness resides
you know which not and which to
Hesitation gone emotions are at rule now

There is a moment always a moment when...

fabricated casual- hide- nice to meet you dialogue
with flawed intentions

i looked we met i talked we convesed... "planned out" had a meeting
and did

the ultimate in anonymous alliances...

Contempation thats the time before the act
thats where lies the happenings of the next moment
the judgement, before the 'did'

its Done. ? Vacant? Regret! n oh yah.? Incompleteness (is that felt or am i supposing myself)
Act enjoyed? it would not have been done if not.

n for the partner of whom the alliance was joined with
"hope we never meet again"

Callous unseemly or just Wild
either way its done n one way or another the did will be regretted
this my soul knows very well.

Bedazzled left in wonder I came to a conclusion that laughter and letting go are the release of what makes an effort to tear and take away, the sudden realisation that my life is a container of what I choose to pour in it makes me the one who either accepts or rejects what my heart takes in I have done..............................................................................................................................................

The part of separating that which pollutes and that which contaminates ,and the thought of being angry and bitter leaves me no choice but to let go and let live in farness the sight of what I have tried of walk away from. I am not addicted and have not been for a while I do not crave it doesn’t even enter my mind. The freedom of the unknown mixed with the fear is what life is about and I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I will have a fabulous life and it will include pain dissapointment anger jealousy and the things that try to cripple but you know what I have been taught how to live and let live by the expiriences not only in my life but in the life of those who are around and about me….Laugh my life is going to be fabulous yes it will

He left, solitude just got a new picture in my mind
He left,alone in a bed to which we closely would have shared...left me lying here
He,left,the close kiss and embrace we give each other the night before has been pulled away, i have been vandalised by detachment
He left, how could the closeness we shared come to a haulting end
He left, leaving a note at the place of my contemplation

Struggle yes, Arguement yes, Shut downs yes, Misunderstandings yes, Insecurity yes,
Moments of extreme emotional dissession yes
But leaving He left and without a word
Without a verbal goodbye but a note
which is better than a mysterious dissappearance
He left

Anger
Confusion
Torn
Disorientation

this moment this hour this minute the current second
I have had ends had loss had miscarriages dissapointments
yet nothing really prepares you to get used to it
nothing gets you used to it