i...i...i... what is it that me

I Have you u are at my palm u cannot escape me even if u put your best attempt you are mine and I am yours you are my object and my amuse I have you and I am sometimes a pleasure and sometimes a pain I make u laugh and make you cry just as I want you I find you want me too we obsess over each other we love(maybe I shudn’t use that word) much and we also hate much sometimes we exhaust one another yet we never grow tired of each other . … we exhaust each other with what we can’t articulate yet we feel we can’t express - so we crash, in our effort to have it outlet out of us I have you just as much as you have me I…(contemplate) need you or do I?, without (contemplate)… u?! so…, the idea of u not with me is a similarity to a baby’s pacifier at 3 you are so not necessary for me yet I need you near I can’t let go it’s a mutual obsession we share the needing or wanting I need a word to put description to this yet it’s me not wanting to let go having the mess that is so bad for me being the only thing I want it’s going back to the thing of how can something so wrong feel so right it the most unhealthiest of habit my addiction to you and its my breathing essential need to rid myself of it you seem to have had yet I still struggle I have you and although I completely am in emotional attachment and addiction with or to you I don’t think its what the shrink people would call love its what I think we the messed ”should be careful calling myself that then I become it” up would call collectors possession and letting you go would be a drug I can’t get over I have you yet what is it that has me?